Going up 2.5+ hours into a show
httpv://youtu.be/awDIAEDdCME
1m50s Good positivity about it
3m01s Enunciate “pussy” better
5m18s I can say “that’s my favorite too, maybe we’re soul mates”
6m10s Cut or completely rewrite the government thing
Overall: Good for a five person audience, last bit needs rewrites
One of your best performances IMO.
I think you made the right changes to the mother character.
I think the abandonment / commitment joke needs some tweaking. Maybe you should deliver it a little differently, or add something to it. Or maybe you should eliminate it altogether. It seems like something that’s more suitable for a book than a stand up routine.
I’d eliminate the joke about your grandmother on the airplane. .
I think your pace is good up to the halfway point, but then you speed up a little.
You also might want to change your tone a little bit more. It’ seems a little repetitive.
I like the cell phone jokes.
In my opinion, it’s difficult to make it in stand up unless you play a distinctive character, or you have a clear cut angle, or some sort of dominant theme. I’m not saying you should in fact take that route–but it’s something to consider.Right now, you seem more in the “general comedy” category.
Just my two cents.
Good luck with everything.