“Captivate” Quotes

I recently read “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People” by Vanessa Van Edwards. Below are the quotes I found most interesting. If you like the quotes, buy the book here.

“First impressions are fundamental to everything else I can teach you.” (3)

“Once you join up with your colleagues, friends, or acquaintances, it is incredibly challenging to get out and meet new people. The best thing to do is wave or give your friends a quick huge when you arrive, and then say you will circle back to them. You can hang out with them as the crowd thins out, but capitalize on your fresh energy at the beginning of an event to hit the Social Zone.” (28)

“The best place to start working a room is right where people exit the bar.” (29)

“The absolute easiest thing you can do to improve your first impression is to keep your hands visible.” (42)

“Whenever possible, keep your hands above the desk in a boardroom, on the table during a coffee meeting, and out of your purse during an event.” (42)

“Power Posing” is when we raise our arms over our head, expand our chest, and tilt our head up.” (45)

“Whenever you are talking to people, use your Launch Stance:
Keep your shoulders down and back.
Aim your chin, chest, and forehead straight in front of you or slightly up.
Keep space between your arms and torso.
Make sure your hands are visible.” (46)”

“The best conversational sparks were:
What was the highlight of your day?
What personal passion project are you working on?
Have anything exciting come up in your life?” (59)

“To remember someone’s name: Repeat it back right away. Then spell it out. Tie the name to someone else you know with the same name. If it’s a unique name, tie it to a word that most closely resembles it.” (69)

“When donors are told that they are above-average givers (even if they are not), they in turn donate more to become above-average givers.” (79)

“Being a highlighter is about constantly searching for the good in people. When you tell people they are good, they become better. When you search for what’s good, you feel great.” (82)

“Being memorable is not about bringing up your high points. It’s about highlighting theirs. Don’t try to impress people, let them impress you.” (83)

“Being an amazing listener is not just about what you hear, it’s how you respond to what you hear.” (84)

“He found that his most successful messages mentioned at least three commonalities he had with the person.” (86)

“One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is inadvertently pointing out differences while trying to connect. Whenever you say a version of “Not me!” you are handicapping your connection from the start.“ (89)

“One study found we are more likely to help people who are dressed like us.” (90)

“I typically end most of my great meetings with a single question: Can I help you with anything?” (98)

“About 35 to 50 percent of your personality is wired into your genetic makeup. Your upbringing, another factor you have zero say in, also shapes you considerably.” (130)

“5 Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation: People with this love language express their care through spoken or written word – love letters, texts, and verbal expression of love.
Gifts: People with this love language express their care through small gifts or tokens of appreciation – jewelry, candy, or flowers.
Physical Touch: People with this love language express their care through touch – hugs, cuddles, pats on the back, loving embraces.
Acts of Service: People with this love language express their care by doing things for others – cooking their spouse dinner, running errands, or crafting something for them.
Quality Time: People with this love language express their care with their time. They want to simply be in the presence of the people they care about” (158)

“As a conversation starter: Have you ever heard about the 5 Love Languages? I’m reading this book about it and was curious if you had heard of them. Then you can get into a great conversation about which they think they are. I love to try to guess my friends’ and colleagues’ and have them guess mine.” (163)

“Power can be measured as the amount of resources you have to give others.” (176)

“Most people’s choice make sense to them. When they don’t make sense to you, it’s usually because you are being driven by a different primary value.” (184)

“Story telling: Start with a hook, champion a struggle, utilize provocative words.” (205)

“Always use the word “because” when asking for something.” (217)

“The best “because” benefits the listener. What’s the payoff? What’s the end result? What’s the advantage?” (217)

“Skill solicitation is when you ask people to self-identify based on capability: Is anyone good at _? Do you know anything about _? I need someone who is strong with _.” (221)

“Sharing our most vulnerable stories is a courageous act that channels intimacy with others and builds lasting relationships.” (231)

“Don’t be afraid to ask for advice, share a vulnerability, or admit a weakness, they bond you to people.” (236)

“Perfection is a strange bast. We strive to be perfect so others will like us but don’t like people who try too hard to be perfect. THe pursuit of perfection not only makes it nearly impossible to connect with people, it also makes us unattractive.” (240)

“We all have weaknesses. The right people will like you for them.” (241)

“The more a student smiled at their classmates, the more their classmates smiled back at them. This made them feel liked, which made them like that student even more.” (264)

“The key to being popular: Like more people.” (265)

Did you like the quotes? Then buy the book here.

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