fbpx

“You Can Negotiate Anything” Quotes

I recently read “You Can Negotiate Anything: The world’s best negotiator tells you how to get what you want” by Herb Cohen. Below are the quotes I found most interesting. If you like them, buy the book.

“In today’s world a wise boss always negotiates for the commitment of his employees. What is a boss? Someone with formal authority who attempts to get people to do voluntarily what must be done.” (18)

“You and I know that the best way to shaft a boss these days-to transform him into a shaftee with you being the shaftor—is to do precisely what he or she tells you to. When told what to do, you write it down and ask, “Is this what you want?” Then you proceed to comply, literally.
Two weeks later, your boss runs up to you and blurts,
“What happened?”
You reply, “I don’t know. I did exactly what you told me to do.”
We have a name for that in today’s world. We call that phenomenon “Malicious Obedience.” (18)

In every negotiation in which you’re involved—in every negotiation in which I’m involved—in fact, in every negotiation in the world (from a diplomatic geopolitical negotiation to the purchase of a home) —three crucial elements are always present:

  1. Information. The other side seems to know more about you and your needs than you know about them and their needs.
  2. Time. The other side doesn’t seem to be under the same kind of organizational pressure, time constraints, and restrictive deadlines you feel you’re under.
  3. Power. The other side always seems to have more power and authority than you think you have.
    (19)

“All power is based on perception. If you think you’ve got it, then you’ve got it. If you think you don’t have it, even if you have it, then you don’t have it. In short, you have more power if you believe you have power and view your life’s encounters as negotiations.” (20)

“1. Am I comfortable negotiating in this particular situation?

  1. Will negotiating meet my needs?
  2. Is the expenditure of energy and time on my part worth the benefits that I can receive as a result of this encounter?
    Only if you, as a unique individual, can answer yes to all three of these questions should you proceed to negotiate.” (30)

“To begin with, don’t define yourself too narrowly. Don’t regard yourself as someone who wants to buy a refrigerator. Regard yourself as someone who wants to sell money. Money is the product that’s up for sale. The more people there are who want your money, the more your money will buy. How do you get people to bid for that money? You generate competition for it.” (31)

“In a fundamental sense, every negatotiation is for the satisfaction of needs. Sears presents you with a $489.95 asking price that meets its needs… but hwat about yours.” (32)

“You can also ask, “When is it going on sale?” or “Did I miss the sale?” The assumption is that, if it’s not currently on sale, it either will be or just was. There’s no earthly reason why you should be penalized for awkward timing.” (33)

“The key to making an ultimatum prevail is always the extent to which the other side makes an investment of time and energy.” (35)

“The success of a nibble is in direct proportion to the amount of time invested. No time investment, no dice. That’s why you should always induce the other side to invest in a situation. And that’s why your initial approach to a negotiation should always be collaborative, as though you’re hungry for help.” (39)

“In negotiation, dumb is often better than smart, inarticulate frequently better than articulate, and many times weakness can actually be strength. So train yourself occasionally to say,
“I don’t know,” “I don’t understand,” “You lost me some time ago,” or “Help me,” when these phrases suit your purposes.” (40)

“Moral don’t be too quick to “understand” or prove your intellect at the outset of an encounter. Watch your listen-talk ratio. Learn to ask questions, even when you think you might know the answers.
Furthermore, if you approach others asking for help, it tends to set the climate for a mutually beneficial relationship.
At the least, you’ll cause the other side to make an investment that ultimately accrues to your advantage.
Making the ultimatum stick
In some of the illustrations discussed earlier, ultimatums were used. Ultimatums are commonly employed, whether by a parent giving a child the “last and final proposal” regarding a curfew or by a union approaching the wire in collective bargaining.
For your ultimatum to succeed, it must meet four criteria:

  1. Frosting on the cake. The other side must have no other choice or they must have such an investment that they can’t fold their cards and walk away. Therefore, an ultimatum must come at the end of a negotiation, never at the beginning.
    You can’t frost a cake until you bake it.
  2. Soft and palatable. The words used must never belittle or offend the other side. “Hard” ultimatums, such as “Take it or leave it!” or “It’s this or else!” are self-defeating. “Soft” ultimatums are palatable because they’re simply a statement of your reality. Example: “I certainly understand your pre-dicament. Your position is valid, but this is all I’ve got. Help me.”
  3. A recipe that can’t be tampered with. It’s always wise • to back up your final position with some form of documentation or legitimacy. Example: “You deserve what you’re asking for. I wish I could give it to you, but this is all I have in my budget!” (43)

“in order to influence an outcome—in politics, poker, or nego-tiation-you must realistically analyze the other side’s posi-tion, as well as your own, in light of three ever-present tightly interrelated variables:

  1. POWER
  2. TIME
  3. INFORMATION” (50)

“never enter a negotiation without options. If you do, the other side will treat you lightly, as in the needing-a-job and the selling-an-idea examples I just gave you.” (58)

“6. The power of the knowledge of “needs”
In all negotiations, there are two things being bargained for:

  1. The specific issues and demands, which are stated openly.
  2. The real needs of the other side, which are rarely verbalized.” (68)

“If you can establish a reasonable guess about what someone’s needs are, you can predict, with remarkable certainty, what will happen in any interaction.” (69)

“My point is this: If you have something difficult to negoti-ate-an emotional issue, or a concrete item that can be stated numerically, such as price, cost, interest rate, or salary-cope with it at the end of a negotiation, after the other side has made a hefty expenditure of energy and a substantial time investment.
What if the emotional issue or quantifiable item surfaces at the beginning of the negotiation? Acknowledge it, chat about it, but put it off till later—returning to it only after the other side has spent a lot of time with you. You’ll be surprised how the other side’s investment will cause them to become flexible at the end of the negotiation.” (73)

“If someone at Macy’s makes you feel good, important, or at least comfortable and understands your needs, you’ll identify with and favor Macy’s, even if Bloomingdale’s offers something that looks better. That’s why your ability to have others identify with you is crucial, whomever you’re dealing with and for whatever reason.” (76)

“Even if someone has the law on his side and theoretically can crush you, if you say, “You can do anything you want with me… but would it be the right thing?”” (80)

“ask the other party if it was fair and right. Not surprisingly, that question shakes up even the most worldly, self-seeking, and jaded.” (81)

“Logic, in and of itself, will rarely influence people. Most often logic doesn’t work.
If you want to persuade me to believe something, do some-thing, or buy something, you must rely on three factors:

  1. I have to understand what you’re saying. It’s imperative that you put your reasons into analogies that relate to my experiences, my particular imprinting. In order to do this, you must enter my world. (That’s why it’s so hard for you to negotiate with someone who’s stupid or who you think is a lunatic.)
  2. Your evidence must be so overwhelming that I can’t dispute it.
  3. My believing you must meet my existing needs and desires.” (85)

“​​Moral: If you want to persuade people, show the immediate relevance and value of what you’re saying in terms of meeting their needs and desires.” (87)

“​​Therefore, in any negotiation expect most significant concession behavior and any settlement action to occur close to the deadline. That being the case, if I know your deadline and you don’t know mine, who has the advantage?” (92)

“​​In general, the reason we are at odds on an issue may stem from three areas of difference:

  1. Experience. You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
  2. Information
  3. Role
    (159)

“The answer may lie in finding out who’s important to the boss and getting those people to help you influence him.” (178)

“Even when you are right, shun all opportunities to humiliate people— at least in public. Remember this, not only for them, but for yourself as well.” (193)

“Anytime an idea, proposal, or request calls for a change in the current handling of affairs, it requires a personal oral presentation. Documents, letters, and phone calls may precede or follow such a meeting, but they are not persuasive in themselves.” (211)

“”What if the president of Mexico showed up? Would you have a room for him?”
“it señor …”
I blew a smoke ring toward the ceiling. “Well, he’s not coming, so I’ll take his room.”
Did I get a room? You bet, but I had to promise that if the president arrived, I would vacate immediately.” (228)

“If you do not want a policy or regulation to govern your situation, be prepared to demonstrate that the framers of this rule never intended it to cover your unique facts.” (230)

“You should never dress like a fashion plate when entering an IRS office. Don’t look like a bum, but also don’t resemble the front cover of Gentlemen’s Quarterly or Harper’s Bazaar.” (231)

“The person you deal with will feel comfortable with you, and riendly toward you, only if he or she can identify with you.” (231)

“Your name is called. Simultaneously, a designated auditor steps forward to greet you. At this point-and throughout the transaction-your attitude is one of pure “Help me!” You personalize yourself, coming across as a reasonable, likable friendly human being. Are you argumentative? To the contrary. Are you defensive? Absolutely not. You’re there to be cooperative. Butter wouldn’t melt in your mouth.” (231)

“If you are to negotiate effectively, the other party must not see you as a statistic, a thing, a commodity, or an article of com-merce. If you present yourself as a unique, vulnerable human being, there is greater likelihood that you will get what you want.” (240)

“This fact is implicit in the reputed comment of Samuel Adams, just prior to the American Revolution. During the planning of the Boston Massacre, Adams was reported to have said something to this effect: “There ought to be no fewer than three or four killed so we will have martyrs for the Revolution. However, there should be no more than twenty, because once you get beyond that number we no longer have martyrs, but simply a sewage problem.”” (240)

“Accordingly, to maximize your impact as a negotiator— no matter whom you are dealing with-you must personalize both yourself and the situation.” (241)

“​​It’s easy for people to shaft others if they don’t see them in personal terms.” (250)

Liked the quotes? Buy the book here.

“The Charisma Myth” Quotes

I recently read, “The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism” by Olivia Fox Cabane. Below are the quotes I found most interesting. If you like them, buy the whole book here.

“Charisma is the result of specific nonverbal behaviors, not an inherent or magical personal quality.” (4)

“When we first meet someone, we instinctively assess whether that person is a potential friend or foe and whether they have the power to enact those intentions. Power and intentions are what we’re aiming to assess. ‘Could you move mountains for me? And would you care to do so?’” (5)

“When you meet a charismatic person, you get the impression that they have a lot of power and they like you a lot… A final dimension underlies both of these qualities: presence.” (5)

“The three crucial aspects of charisma: presence, power and warmth.” (6)

“Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:

  • Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences.
  • Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.
  • Pause for two full seconds before you speak.” (10)

“People will tend to accept whatever you project.” (19)

“Someone who is powerful but not warm can be impressive, but isn’t necessarily perceived as charismatic and can come across as arrogant, cold, or standoffish. Someone who possesses warmth without power can be likable, but isn’t necessarily perceived as charismatic and can come across as overeager, subservient, or desperate to please.” (20)

“We can’t micromanage charismatic body language.” (21)

“Our body language expresses our mental state whether we like it or not. Our facial expressions, voice, posture, and all the other components of body language reflect our mental and emotional condition every second. Because we don’t control this flow consciously, whatever is in our head will show up in our body language.” (21)

“To be effective, charismatic behaviors must originate in your mind.” (22)

“Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu reportedly said: “To know others is knowledge. To know oneself is wisdom.” (24)

“Because your brain cannot distinguish imagination from reality, imaginary situations cause your brain to send your body the same commands as it would for a real situation.” (24)

“Whatever your mind believes, your body will manifest. Just by getting into a charismatic mental state, your body will manifest a charismatic body language.” (25)

“Charisma has three essential components: presence, power and warmth.” (26)

“Any physical discomfort that affects your visible, external state – your body language – even slightly may affect how charismatic you are perceived to be.” (29)

“Signs of fatigue can easily show up in people’s body language as lack of enthusiasm.” (30)

“Check in with your face from time to time; notice if it is tense.” (31)

“Responsibility transfer:

1. Sit comfortably or lie down, relax, and close your eyes.

2. Take two or three deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine drawing clean air toward the top of your head. As you exhale, let that air whoosh through you, washing away all worries and concerns.

3. Pick an entity-God, Fate, the Universe, whatever may best suit your beliefs-that you could imagine as benevolent.

4. Imagine lifting the weight of everything you’re concerned about this meeting, this interaction, this day-off your shoulders and placing it on the shoulders of whichever entity you’ve chosen. They’re in charge now.

5. Visually lift everything off your shoulders and feel the difference as you are now no longer responsible for the outcome of any of these things. Everything is taken care of.

You can sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever good you can find along the way.

The next time you feel yourself considering alternative outcomes to a situation, pay close attention. If your brain is going around in circles, obsessing about possible outcomes, try a responsibility transfer to alleviate some of the anxiety. Consider that there might be an all-powerful entity-the Universe, God, Fate-and entrust it with all the worries on your mind.” (34-35)

“Try a responsibility transfer to alleviate some of the anxiety.” (35)

“Few things impact people’s performance more than how they feel about themselves.” (38)

“To destigmatize, remind yourself that this internal discomfort, whatever it might be, is a normal part of the human experience and a by=product of one of our brain’s survival mechanisms.” (44)

“Depersonalize the experience. Rather than saying “I’m feeling ashamed,” try “There is shame being felt.” Imagine that you’re a scientist observing a phenomenon.” (50)

“Neutralizing Negativity

Use the techniques below anytime you’d like to lessen the effects of persistent negative thoughts. As you try each technique, pay attention to which ones work best for you and keep practicing them until they become instinctive. You may also discover some of your own that work just as well.

• Don’t assume your thoughts are accurate. Just because your mind comes up with something doesn’t necessarily mean it has any validity. Assume you’re missing a lot of elements, many of which could be positive.

• See your thoughts as graffiti on a wall or as little electrical impulses flickering around your brain.

• Assign a label to your negative experience: self-criticism, anger, anxiety, etc. Just naming what you are thinking and feeling can help you neutralize it.

• Depersonalize the experience. Rather than saying “I’m feeling ashamed,” try “There is shame being felt.” Imagine that you’re a scientist observing a phenomenon: “How interesting, there are self-critical thoughts arising.”

• Imagine seeing yourself from afar. Zoom out so far, you can see planet Earth hanging in space. Then zoom in to see your continent, then your country, your city, and finally the room you’re in. See your little self, electrical impulses whizzing across your brain. One little being having a particular experience at this particular moment.” (50)

“We’re learning here to neutralize unhelpful thoughts. We want to avoid falling into the trap of arguing with them or trying to suppress them. This would only make matters worse.” (51)

“Because trying to suppress a self-critical thought only makes it more central to your thinking, it’s a far better strategy to simply aim to neutralize it.” (51)

“When people are induced into a negative emotional state and then asked to suppress negative emotions, their internal negative experience often remains unchanged and they sustain elevated stress responses in their brain and cardiovascular system.” (52)

“But what if you happened to learn that this apparently reckless driver was actually a distraught mother whose baby was choking in the backseat, and she was desperately trying to pull over into the breakdown lane while reaching back to save her baby’s life? Would that immediately reduce your anger?” (52)

“Deciding to change your belief about what happened (technically called cognitive reappraisal) effectively decreases the brain’s stress levels.” (53)

“Researchers concluded that deciding to change beliefs was a far more effective and healthier solution than attempting to repress or ignore emotions.” (53)

“In most situations, we don’t know for certain what motivates a person’s actions, so we might as well choose the explanation that is most helpful to us and create a version of events that gets us into the specific mental state we need for charisma.” (53)

“I sat down at the desk, pulled out pen and paper and asked myself: What if this unfortunate, unpleasant experience is absolutely perfect just as it is – the insomnia, the nausea, the fact that this is happening the very night before a high-profile assignment? In what way can this turn out to be absolutely perfect for me?” (54)

“I continued to write all the possible upsides of this unfortunate experience. I made this new reality as detailed and sensory-rich as possible: describing what I said, what the audience looked like, when and how they nodded and laughed throughout my speech.” (54)

“Write in the present tense: “The speech is going well…” Or, even better, in the past tense: “The speech was a complete triumph…” (56)

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” (57)

“Putting It into Practice: Getting Satisfaction

• Think of one person in your life who has aggrieved you.

• Take a blank page and write that person a letter saying anything and everything you wish you had ever told them. Really get into this-you have nothing to lose. Make sure you write it out by hand.

• When you’ve gotten absolutely everything off your mind and onto paper, put the letter aside.

• Take a fresh sheet and write their response just the way you wish they would respond. You might have them taking responsibility for their actions, acknowledging and apologizing for everything they’ve ever done that hurt you. You don’t need to find any justification for their actions, just an acknowledgment and an apology. It’s your imagination, so you get to decide exactly what you’d like to hear.” (57)

“The answer, surprisingly, is to delve into those very sensations of discomfort. That’s right. Though it sounds counterintuitive, rather than trying to suppress, ignore, or power through them, your goal is to give your full attention to the very sensations you’d instinctively want to push away.” (61)

“The next time you do this exercise, aim to create images that are even more detailed. Guided imagery must be precise, vivid, and detailed to be effective.” (70)

“When clients ask me if they should use visualization before an important speech, I answer, “Only if you want it to go really well!”” (72)

After fifteen years of speaking professionally, I find that doing even thirty seconds of visualization makes a substantial difference to my performance. It greatly affects how charismatic I am on stage. In fact, every time I don’t run through a visualization just before stepping on stage, I regret it. Even when I know the speech so well I could say it backward, it’s worth using visualization to ensure that I get into the right charismatic mental state.” (72)

“Before key meetings, she’ll imagine “the smiles on their faces because they liked me and they are confident about the value I’m bringing them. I’ll imagine as much detail as I can, even seeing the wrinkles around their eyes as they’re smiling.” She visualizes the whole interaction, all the way through to the firm handshakes that close the meeting, sealing the deal.” (73)

“A twenty-second hug is enough to send oxytocin coursing through your veins, and that you can achieve the same effect just by imagining the hug. So the next time you’re feeling anxious, you might want to imagine being wrapped up in a great big hug from someone you care about.” (73)

“To boost your charisma, choose figures who represent complete self-confidence, or warmth and caring, or calm and serenity. Or you might even find some figures who embody all the elements at once. Visualize yourself going to these figures for a “pep talk” anytime you feel you need one. Thanks to the brain’s wonderful placebo response, this will produce effects even if it doesn’t feel real.” (74)

“One way to invoke a sense of gratitude is to focus on little things that are physically present.” (76)

“Another good gratitude-enhancing tool is to view your life through a third-person lens, writing a narrative about yourself cast in a positive light.” (76)

“​​When our only aim is to broadcast goodwill, it takes the pressure off.” (80) 

“Goodwill is the simple state of wishing others well.” (80)

“One simple but effective way to start is to try to find three things you like about the person you want to feel goodwill toward… even if these are as small as “their shoes are shined” or “they were on time.”” (80) 

“When you start searching for positive elements, your mental state changes accordingly and then sweeps through your body language.” (80)

“In any interaction, imagine the person you’re speaking to, and all those around you, as having invisible angel wings.” (81)

“Paul Gilbert describes the process of accessing compassion as follows: first comes empathy, the ability to understand what someone is feeling, to detect distress; second, sympathy, being emotionally moved by dis-tress; and third, compassion, which arises with the desire to care for the well-being of the distressed person.” (82)

“You can think your way into compassion even if you don’t naturally feel it.” (82)

“Putting It into Practice: Compassion

Goodwill and compassion give you warmth to balance your power, and can save you from appearing overconfident or, worse, arrogant.

They can also be a stealth tool, a silver bullet that turns around difficult conversations.

Take the three steps below to practice compassion for someone you know:

1. Imagine their past. What if you had been born in their circumstances, with their family and upbringing? What was it like growing up in their family situation with whatever they experienced as a child? It’s often said that everyone you meet has stories to tell, and that everyone has a few that would break your heart. Consider also that if you had experienced everything they have experienced, perhaps you would have turned out just like they have.

2. Imagine their present. Really try to put yourself in their shoes right now. Imagine what it feels like to be them today.

Put yourself in their place, be in their skin, see through their eyes. Imagine what they might be feeling right now-all the emotions they might be holding inside.

3. If you really need compassion dynamite, look at them and ask: What if this were their last day alive? You can even imagine their funeral. You’re at their funeral, and you’re asked to say a few words about them. You can also imagine what you’d say to them after they’d already died.” (83)

“Helen had plenty of self-confidence. So what was she lacking? Warmth. People were impressed by how much she knew, but they didn’t feel cared for. Helen couldn’t emanate warmth because she had a hard time feeling it-whether for others or for herself.“ (84)

“Self-confidence is our belief in our ability to do or to learn how to do something. Self-esteem is how much we approve of or value ourselves. I’s often a comparison-based evaluation (whether measured against other people or against our own internal standards for approval). Self-compassion is how much warmth we can have for ourselves, especially when we are going through a difficult experience.” (84)

“Self-compassion is feeling that what happened to you is unfortunate, whereas self-pity is feeling that what happened to you is unfair.” (85)

“defines self-compassion as a three-step process: First, realizing that we’re experiencing difficulties. Second, responding with kindness and understanding toward ourselves when we are suffering or feel inadequate, rather than being harshly self-critical. Third, realizing that whatever were going through is commonly experienced by all human beings, and remembering that everyone goes through difficult times.” (86)

“Displaying confident body language will actually make you feel more confident; these feelings will in turn affect your body language.” (91)

“For confidence, assertiveness, and to be able to emanate gravitas, imagine playing the role of a military general, take a wide stance, puff up your chest, broaden your shoulders, stand straight, and confidently put your arms behind your back. Feel the effect of this posture internally.

For a boost in both energy and warmth, stand up, stretch your hands as high up as possible, inhale as much as you can imagine your rib cage expanding, doubling in size make the biggest smile you can and look upward, hold for a second, and then relax everything.” (92)

“I decided that I was a movie star incognito.” (93)

“Just as professional athletes and performers do, plan a gradual warm-up to reach your peak charismatic performance. Before important events, avoid experiences that would impair your mental state and plan warmth- and confidence-boosting activities instead.” (97)

“As always, body language trumps all other signs of charisma. Even if all the other signals are present, a body language of insecurity will undermine any possibility of authority charisma.” (105)

“To project power and confidence in your body language, you’ll need to learn how to “take up space” with your posture, reduce nonverbal reassurances (such as excessive nodding), and avoid fidgeting.” (106)

“Clothing, essentially, is modern-day tribal wear.” (118)

“An easy way to start interactions in a way that both communicates warmth and sends the conversation down the right path is to offer a compliment about something the person is wearing.” (123) 

“Continue with an open-ended question, such as “What’s the story behind it?”” (123)

“If they start asking about you and you want to refocus the conversation on them, use the bounce back technique. Answer the question with a fact, add a personal note, and redirect the question to them, as follows:

Other Person: “So where are you moving to?”” (124)

“Remember, it’s all about keeping the spotlight on them for as long as possible.” (124)

“Instead of saying “I read a great article on that subject in the New York Times,” try “You might enjoy the recent New York Times article on the subject.” Or simply insert “You know…” before any sentence to make them instantly perk up and pay attention.” (124)

“We are about to cover three keys to communicating presence: attentive listening, refraining from interrupting, and deliberate pausing.” (129)

“One simple but extraordinarily effective habit that will make people feel truly listened to and understood: they pause before they answer.” (130)

“When someone has spoken, see if you can let your facial expression react first, showing that you’re absorbing what they’ve just said and giving their brilliant statement the consideration it deserves. Only then, after about two seconds, do you answer.” (131)

“First, think about how you would behave if you were indeed speaking to the most important person in the room.” (135)

“imagine that the person you’re speaking with is the main star in a movie you’re watching right now.” (135)

“I tell all my clients: Don’t try to impress people. Let them impress you, and they will love you for it.” (136)

“Studies have consistently shown that audience ratings of a lecture are more strongly influenced by delivery style than by content.” (139)

“Increasing voice fluctuation means making your voice vary in any of the following ways: pitch (high or low), volume (loud or quiet), tone (resonant or hollow), tempo (fast or slow), or rhythm (fluid or staccato).” (140)

“One classic exercise to hone your projection skills is to imagine that your words are arrows. As you speak, aim them at different groups of listeners.” (141)

“Tempo: A slow, measured tempo with frequent pauses conveys confidence.” (141)

“Putting It into Practice: Vocal Power

The guidelines below will help you broadcast power through your voice.

1. Speak slowly. Visualize the contrast between a nervous, squeaky teenager speaking at high speed and the slow, emphatic tone of a judge delivering a verdict.

2. Pause. People who broadcast confidence often pause while speaking. They will pause for a second or two between sentences or even in the middle of a sentence. This conveys the feeling that they’re so confident in their power, they trust that people won’t interrupt.

3. Drop intonation. You know how a voice rises at the end of a question? Just reread the last sentence and hear your voice go up at the end. Now imagine an assertion: a judge saying

“This case is closed.” Feel how the intonation of the word closed drops. Lowering the intonation of your voice at the end of a sentence broadcasts power. When you want to sound superconfident, you can even lower your intonation midsentence.

4. Check your breathing. Make sure you’re breathing deeply into your belly and inhale and exhale through your nose rather than your mouth. Breathing through your mouth can make you sound breathless and anxious.” (141)

“There’s only one thing you need to do in order to project more warmth in your voice: smile. Smiling affects how we speak to such an extent that listeners in one study could identify sixteen different kinds of ~ smiles based on sound alone.’ This is why it’s worth smiling even when on the phone.” (142)

“Often, just thinking about smiling is enough to give your voice more warmth.” (142)

“Imagine that you’re a preacher exhorting your congregation.” (142)

“​​If your body language is anticharismatic, it doesn’t matter how great your message is.” (144)

“As a leader, the emotions conveyed by your body language, even during brief, casual encounters, can have a ripple effect through your team or even your entire company.” (145)

“The first is excessive or rapid nodding. Nodding once for emphasis or to express agreement is fine and can be an effective communication method, but nodding three or four times in rapid succession is not.” (161)

“The second hindrance is excessive verbal reassurance: making a sound, such as “uh-huh,” or a half-sentence, such as “Oh, I agree.” Done once, and consciously, this is fine; multiple times per sentence is not.” (161)

“The third issue is restlessness or fidgeting (tapping your pencil or foot, or rearranging items on the table). Fidgeting decreases presence, thus charisma. Even when you have warmth, confidence, and are mentally present, if you are physically restless, you can’t be charismatic.” (161)

“Aim to bring your chin down a few degrees.” (162)

“Asking for someone’s opinion is a better strategy than asking for their advice, because giving advice feels like more effort, as they have to tailor a recommendation to your situation, whereas with an opinion, they can just spout whatever is on their mind.” (168)

“Imagine that just a few hours ago they saw a beloved parent die.” (171)

“Here’s one specific— and surprisingly effective-recommendation for phone charisma, courtesy of author Leil Lowndes: Do not answer the phone in a warm or friendly manner. Instead, answer crisply and professionally. Then, only after you hear who is calling, let warmth or even enthusiasm pour forth in your voice. This simple technique is an easy and effective way to make people feel special.” (185)

“Write out the e-mail as you normally would, but before you send it, simply cut and paste so that whatever pertains to the other person appears first and most prominently.” (185)

“I often recommend that they go through their marketing materials (you can do the same with your e-mails) using two different-colored highlighters, one for things relating to them and the other for sentences that speak to their potential clients. If the second color doesn’t predominate, they have a problem.”” (185)

“It’s hard to have a question-and-answer period as compelling and energetic as your main speech. Almost inevitably, the Q&A period lowers the energy.” (190)

“Personally, I avoid formal Q&A entirely. Instead, my introducer warns the audience that there will be no Q&A session at the end, so their one and only chance to ask questions is during the speech.” (190)

“• Red conveys energy, passion. Wear red to wake up an audience.

• Black shows you’re serious and that you won’t take no for an answer.

• White exudes honesty and innocence, which is why defendants often choose it in the courtroom.

• Blue emits trust. The darker the shade, the deeper the level of trust it elicits.

• Gray is a good neutral, the quintessential color of business.

• Orange and yellow are not recommended. Because they are the first to attract the human eye, they are also the first to tire it.” (191)

“Express high expectations. Sometimes, simply assigning to people the labels you want them to live up to is enough” (202)

“Express this expectation as if you have full confidence that they can live up to it.” (203)

“Giving people a sense of ownership for your success is a great way to prevent resentment and engender good feelings, such as pride and loyalty, instead.” (208)

Liked the quotes? Buy the full book here.

“The Storyteller” Quotes

I recently read The Storyteller: Tales of Life and Music by Dave Grohl. Below are the quotes I found most interesting.

“If you leave a Pelham Blue Gibson Trini Lopez guitar in the case for fifty years, it will look like it was just delivered from the factory. But if you take it in your hands, show it to the sun, let it breathe, sweat on it, and fucking PLAy it, over time the finish will turn a unique shade. And each instrument ages entirely differently. To me, that is beauty. Not the gleam of prefabricated perfection, but the road-worn beauty of individuality, time, and wisdom.” (2)

“I have watched many producers try to explain and manufacture “feel,” but I am convinced that overintellectualizing it is futile. It is something divine that only the universe can create, like a heartbeat or a star. A solitary design within every musician that is only their own.” (67)

“My mom would often say, “It’s not always the kid that fails the school. Sometimes it’s the school that fails the kid.”” (84)

“Kurt Cobain found this crossroads deeply troubling. The same guy who had exclaimed, “We want to be the biggest band in the world,” to a record company executive in a New York City high-rise office was now faced with the horrifying prospect of its coming true. Of course, we never actually expected the world to change for us (because we surely weren’t going to change for it), but each day it seemed more and more like it was. And that was overwhelming. Even the most stable can crumble under pressure like that.” (151)

“I have always been a firm believer in the idea that the environment in which you record dictates the outcome of the music, and every time I hear one of these songs, I am convinced it’s true.” (173)

“I was too young to fade away but too old to start again.” (193)

“The old drummer joke, ‘What was the last thing the drummer said before getting kicked out of the band? ‘Hey, guys, I wrote a song I think we should play!!’” (196)

“The Foo Fighters were releasing a greatest hits collection and were asked to write and record a new song to include in the track list to help promote it (otherwise known as ‘the song on the greatest hits record that is neither great nor a hit.’)” (282)

“Courage is a defining factor in the life of any artist. The courage to bare your innermost feelings, to reveal your true voice, or to stand in front of an audience and lay it out there for the world to see. The emotional vulnerability that is often necessary to summon a great song can also work against you when sharing your song for the world to hear. This is the paralyzing conflict of any sensitive artist. A feeling I’ve experienced with every lyric I’ve sing to someone other than myself. Will they like it? Am I good enough? It is the courage to e yourself that bridges those opposing emotions, and when it does, magic can happen.” (355)

Like the quotes? Buy the book here.

“When Pride Still Mattered” Quotes

I recently read “When Pride Still Mattered: A life of Vince Lombardi” by David Maraniss. Below are the quotes I found most interesting. If you enjoy them, consider buying the book.

“In 1935, Robert Maynard Hutchins, president of the University of Chicago, said “if we look at the modern American university we have some difficulty seeing that it is uniformly either one. It sometimes seems to approximate kindergarten at one end and a clutter of specialists at the other.”” (43)

“The fall from grace of American universities, declared ralph C. Hutchinson, president of Washington and Jefferson College, was “evidenced by the shocking number of graduates who have been discovered in… corrupt professional practices, in the concealment of corporation assets or liabilities, in the watering of stock, the peddling of questionable securities, the evasion of income and other taxes, the distribution and acceptance of bribes, and the predatory exploitation of public resources.” (43)

“As an ace public relations man, Cohane understood that his mission was to make people remember his team and its players, and that the most effective way to accomplish this was through the imagery of metaphor and nickname, the semiotics of myth.” (58)

“There was no master plan, just a call from Handy Andy, the Luteran quarterback, looking for someone ot help him out at a little Catholic school in New Jersey – that is how Vince Lombardi became a football coach.” (69)

Ignatius Loyola said, “there is the perception of ‘an intolerable disparity between the hugeness of their desire and the smallness of reality.’” (69)

“Lombardi said, “there were limitations to the game due to mentality and physical ability and that the amount that can be consumed and executed is controlled by the weakest man on your team.” (79)

“Blaik made a distinction between losing and sportsmanship. “There never was a champion, who, to himself, was a good loser.” In Blaik’s opinion the “purpose of the game is to win. To dilute the will to win is to destroy the purpose of the game.”” (102)

“History has a way of mocking attempts to render it retroactively pure.” (120)

“Unfortunately, too much experience in losing [gracefully] often lowers the resistance to defeat.” Blaik wrote.” (144)

“Vincent (son of Vince) had conflicting feelings baout his father’s long work hours. His friends were envious of him for having a dad who worked for the Giants. Vincent would rather have had a father who was around every day.” (178)

“The Packers compiled the worst record in team history, 1-10-1, a mark that New York sportswriter Red Smith later immortalized with the phrase: “The Packers underwhelmed ten opponents, overwhelmed one, and whelmed one.” (191)

“Yes, he had freedom, but that meant freedom to fail.” (212)

“Controlled violence is what Lombardi called football, and he did not consider the phrase an oxymoron. The violence was as importnat to him as the control. He distinguished controlled violence from brutality, which is said “ultimately defeats itself,” but he did not try to minimize the role of violence. To approach football any other way, he said, “would be idotic.”” (219)

“It was a variation of the Jesuit concept of freedom within discipline.” (224)

“Lombardi waited until the precise moment when it would mean the most, when Wood was doubting himself, and then assured him that what had happened to him was no big deal, that there would be hundreds of other days of redemption, and that the coach believed in him.” (248)

“Style rather than substance, Blaik said, allowed coaches of inferior character and talent to rise more quickly than Lombardi.” (261)

“Character is the will in action, his Fordham tutors used to say, and here it is, embodied, magnetism of the will, asserting that life is not merely fleeting luck or chance, that discipline and persistence can prevail, even if it takes twenty years, and as he presses forward the crowd seems certain that he knows the way, the right way, that even if he has not won everything, he will.” (271)

“Myth becomes myth not in the living but in the retelling.” (295)

“The thing that hit me with Lombardi and that we agreed on right away is that if you are gifted you hav ea moral responsibility to fulfill that gift as best you can,” Heinz reflected later.” (318)

“Dick Schaap had once written of him: “Jimmy Taylor, the great fullback of the Green Bay Packers, spent four years in college and emerged unscarred by education.”” (331)

“Lombardi said, “Success is like a habit-forming drug that in victory saps your elation and in defeat deepens your despair. Once you have sampled it, you are hooked.” When you are successful, he thought, everyone else is jealous and every game becomes a grudge match.” (348)

“What’s charisma?” Lombardi once asked W.C. Heinz.
“What?”
“You’re the writer. I keep reading that I have charisma. What the hell is that?”
“Relax,” Heinz said. “It’s not a disease.” (373)

“Lombardi once began a speech to us by asking ‘What is the meaning of love?’ recalled Bob Skoronski. “And this is what he said. He said, ‘Anybody can love something that is beautiful or smart or agile. You will never know love until you can love something that isn’t beautiful, isn’t bright, isn’t glamorous. It takes a special person to love something unattractive, someone unknown. That is the test of love. Everybody can love someone’s strengths and somebody’s good looks. But can you accept someone for his inabilities?”” (374)

“His concern was that the nature of his job had changed. Once, it was hard for him to distinguish between work and play; thye fit together like the tattoos etched into his father’s knuckles. Now it was WORK on one hand and more WORK on the other.” (390)

“Lombardi characterized it as “a violent game and to play it any other way but violently would be imbecilic.” (401)

“Lombardi’s son, Vincent said, “Anybody who motivates and gets people going sooner or later runs out of things to say. You’ve got to take your act to a new venue.” (435)

“Profit Wise” Quotes

I recently read “Profit Wise: How To Make More Money In Business By Doing The Right Thing” by Jeff Morrill. Below are the quotes I found most interesting.

“The cost to acquire a new customer is much larger than the cost of satisfying a repeat customer. We organize our processes and pricing around creating customers for life.” (7)

“If you can’t gather enough people with the inclination and ability to do what you ask them to do, then you run a daycare facility instead of a business.” (17)

“You can teach people to drive but you can’t teach them to have drive. You can coach skills but not character.” (21)

“Conduct three interviews before hiring candidates. Multiple interviews provide more opportunities for unprofessional people to reveal their bad habits.” (24)

“Ask candidates to follow up with you. Throughout the process, ask them to call you to set up the next step rather than volunteering to call them. We end each interview with the same request: “After you’ve had an opportunity overnight to consider what we’ve discussed today, please call tomorrow to set up the next interview.” This creates additional opportunities to observe how well they follow instructions, and you’ll save time by not pursuing candidates who have lost interest.” (25)

“You can coach your team, but let them solve problems on their own. If you still have to make all the decisions, you’re holding them and your company back.” (45)

“The more authority given to a position, the more harm outside hires can do to your culture because they have more power to screw things up. We believe in growing and promoting our own team members so we know exactly what kind of people are making the important decisions for the company.” (48)

“Don Beyer, Jr., told me that a key to growing older is not learning how to do more with less, but rather less with less. In other words, choose fewer ambitions, more carefully.” (100)

“William James counseled, “The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.” (104)

“Don’t postpone joy or suffer too much in the vain hope that someday you can rest on your achievements, a situation Warren Buffett compared to “saving up sex for old age.” (104)

Like the quotes? Buy the book here.

Verified by ExactMetrics