Philly Knows How To Riot

So I was in Philly last night when they won the World Series. And based on my 4 hours of riot observation, Philly knows how to party! Some high lights:

  • A guy running with a large orange construction barrel towards the riot police
  • Looting taking place at an Italian Restaurant that closed
  • Rioters rocking the police bus and almost tipping it
  • Random dumpster fires with 10 foot flames
  • 100 people climbing on a firetruck and celebrating
  • Guy climbing the traffic light, hanging there for 20 minutes and then jumping
  • Ten different people trying to knock down the holiday liberty bell light display hanging on the corner and ten different people failing to knock it down
  • Bank window getting smashed (they had some nice bullet proof glass though, as it didn’t break, just had a HUGE spider web)
  • Lots of beer bottles getting smashed into the ground (and a few being chucked into the crowd / at the cops)
  • Me deciding that a wooden, ten foot, police “do not cross” board would make for a great championship belt to parade through the streets. And not seeing the cop three feet away from me. Good thing I know how to talk to cops or I’d be posting this from jail!*
  • Me spilling my coffee this morning as I was sorting through my riot photos

I just hope Rutgers riots this good when we win a football national championship!


*My conversation with the police officer went something like this:

“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know”
“You don’t know?”
“No ma’am”
“Well you better put that back”
“Yes ma’am”
“That’s not how it was”
“Sorry maam. Let me fix that. Have a nice night.”

The Day The Music Died

“That’s not a full plate. This won’t count towards the challenge unless you have a full entree and a side. Don’t forget desert.” Meet Rob: fellow contestant, arbitrator and judge.

“Ugh, we still have two more dining halls to go. This was a terrible idea.” I replied as if anything short of a heart attack would prevent me from finishing this exercise in self flaggelation.

Rutgers University has five dining halls. Rob, Chris and I decided to eat a full meal at all five. Back to back to back to back to back. In alphabetical order. Gotta love state schools and no Friday classes. While I have not been able to go into the kitchen to prove it, Rutgers puts laxitives in its dining hall food. Four years of eating dining hall food is all the scientific evidence I need.

Imagine a campus that used to serve barracks for the army. Take the kind of dining hall that would be there, add five quarts of beauracracy to it, mix thoroughly, bake for an hour, then add salt.  Voilla: Tillet Dining Hall! The the worst, last and most painful dining hall on our journey.

There’s nothing like sampling the same rubbery chicken meal in 3 different dining halls, except living in a bathroom for 6 hours after finishing such a kamikaze tour. As we felt our stomaches rumble with every bump the bus took back to the dorms, I announced: “Today is the day the music died.”


Antics from my college days have little to do with comedy except to how I don’t learn from my mistakes. Yesterday I spent the afternoon sampling four different cheese steak places in Philly. Back to back to back to back. It was the second day the music died.

For those that don’t want to suffer the aftermath, Geno’s was better than Pat’s which was better than the random mall steak place by Independance Hall, which was surprisingly better than Jim’s. So in conclusion, don’t gorge yourself and stay away from Jim’s, they have a weird texture to their steak meat.