I wrote this song based on the time I was doing comedy until 2am every Friday and Saturday night in NYC. By the time I’d get to the bars with my comedian friends, the cream of the crop was long gone. So we started to affectionately refer to going out this late as “Dumpster Diving”.
I apologize for my lack of musical skills in both singing and background music. At least now you know my joke of “I got into stand up cause I can’t share the spot light, but I can’t sing or dance. So it was either this or tennis… And I can’t play tennis drunk!” is based on truth.
If you can actually sing, create a cooler video and/or record real background music and are interested in remixing this, please get in touch with me.
Another common sketch format is the Superhero sketch.
Starting notes:
- This is like the older super hero movies of the 50’s and 60’s (think original Batman)
- Instead of a big super power, give the hero a very small super power
- Every super hero has a sidekick with an even smaller but related power
- Every hero should have a super villain that’s the exact opposite of the super hero
- The fighting doesn’t have to be physical
- Try to have specifics about the characters in every single line, each line should push the sketch forward
The Parts of the Superhero Sketch
Scene 1
Similar to a commercial, two people are having a problem and they ask, “can anyone help us?” The Superhero comes in and says “I’ll save you.” Here, the audience should find out whether the townspeople love or hate the hero.
Scene 2
Announcer explains the origin of the superhero. The stage blacked out, as it is being setup for the next scene, so use the mic. When in doubt, something generic like falling into toxic waste works as simple explanation. This scene mostly serves to buy time.
Scene 3
The Superhero and his sidekick is hanging out talking about a previous adventure they had (not the one from Scene 1). This establishes the relationship between superhero and sidekick: Some options are: a) sidekick idolizes the hero b) sidekick works hand in hand with the hero or c) sidekick hates the hero
Scene 4
The super villain enacts his dastardly plan. Generic plans like rob a bank, destroy the world, or kidnap someone important work as the characters are what makes this sketch funny. The Mayor asks for help, the hero appears, the villain and hero lobby back and forth until the hero is knocked down for the count. This is where the hero is at his lowest point.
Scene 5
Announcer says “oh no, the hero is down for the count. Will he return? Find out after the break.” Commercial break (insert commercial sketch here to make the show flow better). After the break the announcer says “when we left off, our hero was in trouble.”
Scene 6
Hero finds something to get out of trap, or sidekick helps him. Hero finds villain, fights him and wins. Mayor or whoever congratulates hero on saving the day. Hero says cheesy pun and everyone laughs.
Scene 7
The announcer says “stay tuned for next time when…” and adds about 10 seconds of possible future plot. Characters can appear on stage to act it out.
SNL Example:
(The best I could find anyway, this format isn’t as recognizable as others)
Ben’s Example:
Click below to download a super hero sketch I wrote.
(My plugin for displaying the script wasn’t working right this time.)
Yeah… but that was the last of the booze. I’m starting to sober up and Katie isn’t looking as good as she did thirty minutes ago.
FRAT BOY 2
Just turn down the lights
FRAT BOY 1
Dude this isn’t funny, what are we gonna do? I need stronger goggles! I need alcohol!
FRAT BOY 2
Shit, you’re right, but all the stores are closed. I don’t know what to do
Enter BEARWOLF
BEARWOLF
Is you out of alcohol? I fix this dilemma.
BEARWOLF takes out vodka and gives FRAT BOY 1 three straight shots.
BEARWOLF
There you are. You make good love with Katie now. Don’t forget, when alcohol runs dry. You call me — Bearwolf. I am Half bear. Half wolf. All vodka!
FRAT BOY1 and FRAT BOY 2
Wow! Thanks Bearwolf. You’re our new hero.
EXT. – NIGHT – EMPTY STAGE
ANNOUNCER
Twenty years ago, Boris was just another drunk Russian is Siberia. But one fateful night, he fell into a Chernobyl nuclear puddle. When the vodka mixed with his blood, he became Bearwolf. Now, the vodka never ends.
EXT. – DAY – PARK
BEARWOLF
Oh cub pup. Good see you. I was just remembering how we saved New Years.
CUB PUP
Yes it was great. Dave was almost sober enough to take home his own girlfriend, but you fixed that just in the nick of time.
BEARWOLF
Yes. That was crazy. My favorite part of New Years is watching everyone’s standards drop.
CUB PUP
Yeah, you get to the party and you wanna get with the hottest girl there.
BEARWOLF
But two minute before midnight, who is that stunning creature in the corner? What’s that? She has a humpback and eye patch? Mmmmm, hungry wolf.
CUB PUP
Twelve oh one. At least the ugly was a girl.
BEARWOLF
Unlike last year. That what happen when I not around and all you can poor is red cups of Natty Light. In Russia, you get death penalty for drinking Natty Suck.
CUB PUP
I told you not to mention my inadequacies. Not all of us can make vodka appear on command. I’m trying to the best I can okay? I’ve saved you before, why won’t you just let this go?
BEARWOLF
Sorry. Just you need better slogan. Half cub, half pup, all shitty American Beer. Not work very well.
CUB PUP
If you weren’t the best super hero in suburban California, I’d never to speak to you. The day I’m a full super hero, we’re no longer friends.
BEARWOLF
Day you real super hero, is day I join alcoholics anonymous. Enough, my sobriety sense is tingling, we must go to bachelor party.
INT. – NIGHT – LIVING ROOM PARTY ATMOSPHERE
CUB PUP
Oh my god Bearwolf. We’re too late. Reborn Rick has just turned vodka to wine. It’ll take them forever to get drunk and make bad decisions now.
REBORN RICK
That’s right Bearwolf. These guys are gonna sober up before they decide nailing a stripper is a good idea. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
BEARWOLF tries to pour vodka from his magic bottle, but only wine comes out.
BEARWOLF
Shit, no vodka coming from magic bottle.
BEARWOLF smashes the bottle, and tries attacking Reborn Rick with the jagged edge
BEARWOLF
I triple distill your face!
REBORN RICK side steps the attack and knocks BEARWOLF to the floor. He proceeds to tie BEARWOLF to a wine cask.
REBORN RICK
Not only will I take your hard liquor but I’ll take your dancing woman and turn her into a woman of god.
EVERYONE ELSE
No!!!
CUB PUP
You’ll never get away with this Reborn Rick!
REBORN RICK
I already have
REBORN RICK proceeds to drink CUB PUP’s Natty Ice until he runs out
REBORN RICK
Ahh. I like a good refreshing drink of water. I was getting a little tipsy from this wine.
CUB PUP
Noooooo!
EXT. – NIGHT – EMPTY STAGE
ANNOUNCER
Will Bearwolf survive? Will Cubpup ever gain a real power? Will the bachelor get to make a terrible life altering decision? Stay tuned to find out.
ANNOUNCER
Welcome back. When we left off, Bearwolf was tied up, the stripper had been kidnapped and Cub Pup was out of flavored water.
INT. – NIGHT – LIVING ROOM PARTY ATMOSPHERE
BEARWOLF
I do not know if I can go on. Maybe it is time for suicide.
CUB PUP
It’s not worth it Bearwolf. Don’t kill yourself. I might envy you, but it’s only out of respect. The townspeople love you.
BEARWOLF
Maybe you are a tap water fuck, but you are right. Get my backup flask out of my hip pocket, .I drink it and get strength to untie myself.
CUB PUP
I could just untie you Bearwolf.
BEARWOLF
I not work in Siberian labor camp for lazy American to untie me.
CUB PUP gets the flask out of BEARWOLF’S back pocket, unscrews it and holds it for BEARWOLF to drink
BEARWOLF
Super strength is returning!
BEARWOLF breaks free from the ropes and runs off stage, with CUB PUP following
INT. – NIGHT – CHURCH
The STRIPPER is now dressed as a nun, and from the front looks like a normal nun. However, as she walks around, she turns out to have booty shorts. She is also walking very sexually. And there is Christian Rock music. Reborn Rick is throwing singles at her as she struts.
REBORN RICK
Yes. Praise Jesus. Those are some fine hips. Fine hips and fine wine.
BEARWOLF kicks down the door
BEARWOLF
I knew I would find you here. Trying to bring back decency and shame. How you live with self?
REBORN RICK
My god how did you escape? No matter. I’ll make sure to kill you this time.
REBORN RICK starts moving towards BEARWOLF
BEARWOLF
Look Mother Teresa, he not even get hard for you.
REBORN RICK
What? That’s preposterous! She’s a sexy woman of god!
BEARWOLF:
We all see your lack of excitement. Reborn Rick? More like Tubesock Tom!
REBORN RICK breaks down crying
REBORN RICK
Why did you have to talk about my manhood? This doesn’t always happen.
BEARWOLF
And I not always drunk.
BEARWOLF, CUB PUP and THE STRIPPER leave while REBORN RICK is crying
INT. – NIGHT – LIVING ROOM PARTY ATMOSPHERE
THE STRIPPER is dancing and the booze is flowing.
BACHELOR
Thanks Bearwolf. You saved the day again. Now I can do something that’ll be grounds for divorce.
BEARWOLF:
No need thank me, thank Vodka. I am Bearwolf: Half bear, half wolf, all grounds for divorce!
EXT. – NIGHT – EMPTY STAGE
ANNOUNCER
That’s all for this week’s episode. Stay tuned next week when the dastardly Uncle Sam demands Bearwolf make the townspeople pay for vodka shots.
BEARWOLF
I go back to Siberian work camp before pay booze tax!
The next common comedic sketch format is the game show.
Starting notes:
Characters: Announcer, Host and Three Contestants
This is a general trivia game show, no need to invent novel rules of the game
Come up with name of game show first, the questions will come from that, so will who the contestants are.
Prizes should be very specific to the game show
Decide if each contestant will answer the same question or get a different question
Works best if you make one contestant the straight man and everyone else crazy
Straight man needs to be there for a specific reason then realize he’s in the wrong place
If the game show is “dangerous” there needs to be a clear reason why the straight man can’t leave
Straight man always gets the first two rounds wrong. Then you decide if he miraculously wins the third round or not
Whether answers by other contestants are right or wrong are not important, it’s what happens to the straight man in the third round that counts
Create stage movement by having host and contestants say shortlines
Fourth beat in a game show can be a sudden death due to a tie
The Parts of the Gameshow:
Intro
Announcer: Live from ___, it’s everyone favorite show ___!
Host: My name is ___, we all know how to play, so let’s start.
Round One
Questions are asked, this establishes the game show and who the straight man is
Contestant Intros
Host gives one sentence intro of each guest, learn what host thinks of the straight man
Round Two
More questions are asked
Prizes
Host announces the three prizes, whether the straight man will win or lose the prizes should beterrible for him
Final Round
Final round question can be worth more points then everything else combined
Goodnight
Host: Good night everyone, we’ll see you next time on ___
SNL Example:
Ben’s Example:
ANNOUNCER
Live from the 7 train, it’s the Subway Series!
HOST
Hi everyone, the train is delayed momentarily but I’m Tony Goldstein. You all know how this works, so next stop is round one.
Three seconds of a subway sound effect
HOST
Our first question Which New York City mayor was responsible for ensuring there were no train tracks added to the Triborough bridge? Yes, Joanna?
JOANNA
Umm, not to be ironic but the Triborough bridge was renamed the Robert F Kennedy Bridge. And Ted Kennedy prevented the tracks from being put in when he hit a railing while drunk.
HOST
Ooh, I’m sorry Joanna. Ted Kennedy is responsible for a lot of troubles, but the lack of subway tracks was not one of them. Yes, Johnny?
JOHNNY
Yeah hi. I was promised a series of subway sandwiches. I’m not sure I understand what this question has to do with me getting a chicken teriyaki foot long on wheat bread, toasted, with pickles, tomatoes and jalapenos.
HOST
Ooh, I’m sorry Johnny. Chicken Teriyaki was not the culprit. Yes Michael Johnson the Third?
MICHAEL
It was Robert Moses, parks commissioner and president of the transit authority. He single handedly ran New York City for forty years. Well, my bank certainly helped him with some loans, but wow, what a man.
MICHAEL takes out an expensive looking handkerchief and dabs his moist eyes.
MICHAEL
May he rest in peace.
The HOST is also moved.
HOST
Bob Moses is correct. Michael wins round one. And now, let’s meet our contestants. Michael Steele is a Wall Street Banker who takes the four-five express from 86th street every morning.
MICHAEL
What can I say? I love hundred twenty hour work weeks. The commute is my only alone time.
HOST
Thanks Michael. Next we have Joanna, an unemployed Williamsburg hipster who takes the L from Bedford ave every time there’s a noise concert at Karma Lounge.
JOANNA
Umm, not to be ironic, but unemployed and hipster is redundant. If you have a job, you just don’t get it.
HOST
Thanks Joanna. And last we have Johnny Aarons, a steel worker from Pittsburgh. He tried going from Grand Central to Times Square but wound up at Shea Stadium.
HOST fake laughs
JOHNNY
Look, I understand you might have a different way of doing things here, but when we promise a hungry man a sandwich in Pittsburgh, we don’t make him stand in front of bright lights for an hour answering questions first.
HOST
Thanks Johnny. We’re excited you could be on the show too. Alright, next stop, round two The transfer round!! If you get off of the B, D or F at Broadway Lafayette, what train can you transfer to? Yes Michael?
MICHAEL
The 6. But why would you take that when you could go express? Just like my career baby! Greed is good! No ceiling! CEO in five years, bitch! The 6. Six figure salaries are for fresh out of college chumps. Not a master of the universe like me!
HOST
Ooh, I’m sorry Michael. The judges are telling me you weren’t specific enough. You are wrong.
MICHAEL
No, you’re wrong! Do you have any idea who you’re talking to? I just resold your mortgage five times to nine different shadowy offshore companies. How do you like them apples?
HOST
Stand clear of the closing question please. Yes Joanna?
JOANNA
Umm, not to be ironic, but the B, D, F goes straight to the [whispering] poor [/whispering] part of Brooklyn. They can’t afford a phone card, let alone a metro card. They should just go green and ride a bike. L to the J, M, Z or bust!
HOST
Bust indeed. Beware of the closing whores please. Yes Johnny Aarons?
JOHNNY
If you don’t have any subway sandwiches here, can you just direct me to the nearest Subway sandwich shop? Well, when the train gets moving that is. I am so hungry. Even a six inch sandwich would go down so good right now. What kind of town is this?
HOST
Did I hear six... down.. town? Johnny, is correct!
JOHNNY
Great, can I get some food now?
HOST
You’re right Johnny, let’s take a look at the prizes. The grand prize is a thirty day unlimited metro card. However, due to congestion it can’t be used during rush hours. The runner up will receive a twenty dollar metro card. However, due to MTA rules and regulations, the card has expired. And finally, since we don’t like to send anyone away empty handed, our first place loser wins the development prize, sponsored by the Times Square Redevelopment Fund. It’s a one week paid vacation to exterminate rats on the subway tracks... What great prizes. If only I wasn’t the host... Attention. This is the last stop. Everybody please prepare for the final round. Here we go, for all the third rails, which train is most consistently late? Yes, Michael?
MICHAEL
The 4-5. It just crawls along in the morning like one of those rates these two losers will be exterminating while I buy another seven room apartment on central park east. Money, cash, Tony Goldstein, money cash!
HOST
Ooh, I’m sorry. The 4-5 is not correct. Please exit the train.
A trap door opens. MICHAEL falls in and starts screaming. Rats devour MICHAEL.
JOANNA
Umm, not to be ironic, but what is time? Did it even exist before industrialization and factories? The proletariat will not stand for this. Just like I don’t stand for being found above 19th street. I’ve been here three years and not a once.
HOST
Ooh, I’m sorry. The 3 train is close, but not correct. Please exit the train.
A trap door opens. JOANNA falls in and starts screaming. Rats devour JOANNA.
JOHNNY
This is horrendous! What kind of monsters live in this city? My god! Only one of them was supposed to get that fate. Please, I don’t want to play. I think I saw a quiznos on second ave. If I could leave, I’d just go there.
HOST
I don’t believe my ears! I never thought this could happen but tourist Johnny Aarons has won the Subway Series! The most delayed line is in fact second avenue! They’ve been building it for eighty years. Johnny Aarons, congratulations, you get the non-peak hour thirty day rie, plus the expired ten dollar metro card. What do you think of that?
The next common comedic sketch format is the Receptionist -- Shop Keeper. The dialogue isn’t as structured here as it is in the commercial sketch, but there are some guildlines that help:
Somebody is working behind a desk or counter, and one at a time, three customers enter
What’s your setting? Be very specific
Who’s the crazy man / who’s the straight man? It works best if either a) the receptionist is crazy and all three customers are the straight man, or b) the three customers are crazy and the receptionist is the straight man
There are three two-person interactions, each customer should storm off before the next one appears
Give characters emotional motivation to leave
Each interaction should start off half as angry/frustrated as the previous interaction left off
The first beat should be the longest because you’re setting it up, the third one should be really short
The classic example below doesn’t follow this exact format as it only has two characters, but there are still three beats to it, and the anger levels are increasing.
Ben’s Example (co-written with Max Newman):
CUSTOMER 1
Hey I need to return this, my iPhone is bruised
FARMER JOE
I’m sorry, you must be mistaken. We only sell apples for eating.
CUSTOMER 1
No, no, you don’t understand. I have a one year warranty, your company promised they’d fix this.
FARMER JOE
Sir, there’s a mac store down the street. But if you’re hungry we got the best apples in Union Square.
CUSTOMER 1
If you won’t fix my phone, you can shove your apple up your ass
CUSTOMER 1 storms off
CUSTOMER 2 enters
CUSTOMER 2
Yeah, hi. I’m not getting any reception on my phone. I think I got some stems or seeds in it. You should’ve designed this product better.
FARMER JOE
The only thing I designed here are these apples. The juiciest and firmest in New York State. Maybe the northeast.
CUSTOMER 2
Look, I’m losing out on thousands of dollars of revenue every hour I can’t talk on the phone. My clients depend on me. I’m leaving them hanging.
FARMER JOE
I’d love to be of assistance but there’s nothing I can do. All I have is these fine organic apples.
CUSTOMER 2
What you made an organic iPhone and I don’t hav eone? Give me! Give me1 How much?
FARMER JOE
My apples are two ninety nine per pound
CUSTOMER 2
You idiot! I want my phone fixed, not a healthy snack!
CUSTOMER 2 leaves
CUSTOMER 3 enters
CUSTOMER 3
Yes hi, there’s a worm in my iPhone
FARMER JOE takes the iPhone, looks at the worm, tries to take it out, can’t do it, and keeps the iPhone. FARMER JOE then hands CUSTOMER 3 an apple.
CUSTOMER 3
Wow you customer service is great! Thanks so much
CUSTOMER 3 leaves
A phone rings. After two rings, FARMER JOE picks up an apple and starts talking into it
I took an intensive sketch comedy class and will be sharing some common formats used to write comedy sketches. A format is just a rough guide to follow when creating a certain type of sketch. It can be used to plugin an existing idea “I want to write about space aliens who work at TJ Max,” or to help generate a new sketch one with a specific focus “Let’s think of a cool commercial concept.”
The first format is the commercial, which has two variants: Announcer Style and SNL Style.
Announcer Style:
- 3 Characters: Announcer and two customers
CUSTOMER 1
I have a problem
CUSTOMER 2
I also have a problem, but how can we solve it?
ANNOUNCER
Do you have this problem?
CUSTOMER 1
Yeah, but how can we solve it
ANNOUNCER
With [product name]. [Description]. [Tag line].
CUSTOMER 2
Ahh!
Ben’s Example:
CUSTOMER 1
My garden smells too natural and foresty
CUSTOMER 2
Yeah, I’m sick of all these fresh smelling flowers
ANNOUNCER
Does your home and garden smell too good?
CUSTOMER 2
Yeah!
ANNOUNCER
Try this: Hobo musk
CUSTOMER 2 sprays can of hobo musk, breathes in, coughs violently
CUSTOMER 2
Ahhh!
ANNOUNCER
Hobo musk: Don’t just visit New York, live it!
SNL Style:
- Product doesn’t exist, create a need for the product
- Explain how the product works and what it does, with graphics if possible
- Show testimonials
- Tag at the end
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