Performance Critique #3: Jan 12

Here is my set from The Velvet Lounge, a nice little bar down in Williamsburg. They have free stand up shows every Monday night, I highly recommend checking it out if you’re in the neighborhood. This was a booked spot and had 5 audience members (I think the crowds will grow, this was the show’s first week).

 

My comments:

  • Audio/Video: The conditions were less than ideal so I apologize for the sub-par video. I’m going to read my video camera’s instruction manual before the next time I perform at a non-comedy club.
  • 0m09s A previous comic learned that one of the audience members was from Israel, so I said hi in Hebrew (not Israeli!)
  • 0m37s Hit “bullshit artist” harder (more emphasis)
  • 1m28s No need for “This New Years” before “My favorite part…”
  • 2m20s Nice call back to my not fully formed “stalking” crowd work idea from before
  • 3m06s I need to develop a better response if nobody in the crowd has a dog or not ask the question if there’s less than 20 people in the audience.
  • 3m21s Need a slightly longer pause before “grandma”
  • 4m54s Backup to the last few words of the premise if my joke gets interrupted
  • 5m53s Try “wear my boxers over my pants” as one of the 3 crazy signs
  • 6m10s Kara, the host, introduced me as “probably from Jersey”, that’s what I’m referring to
  • 6m19s Try changing “some of the activities I do like” to “When I”
  • 6m35s “Bring home a guy” sounds awkward, change it to “Bring a guy home”
  • 6m48s Not sure why the second and third part of the tubes joke didn’t work… would love feedback on this
  • 7m10s Great confident pause at the end of the punchline. I need to do this with all of my punchlines.
  • 7m27s I tried taking out “the girl who talks about herself non stop for 4 hours” because nobody was laughign at it, but it may need to go back in so that the “still won’t blow you” girl gets a laugh. I think I’m gonna give it one more try without it and see what happens.
  • 8m03s Try putting the custom made shot glass line before the snuggle head line. I’m not sure why the snuggle slut material didn’t get more laughs, I hope it was something I did and not because the room was predominantly full of females. I actually thought of cutting the joke short when the first few lines didn’t get a laugh but decided to power through. They may have picked up on this lack of confidence.
  • 8m43s Emphasis should be on “money” not on “it costs”
  • 9m13s Wait an extra second before “again”
  • 9m13s I’m going to try removing the catholic joke, moving the Buddhist joke second and ending on “There’s an online dating website for Jehovah’s Witnesses, called “7am on a Saturday, why are you at my door?””

Overall: This was one of the more fun sets I had in a while. I think this is due to it being at a bar, where I got most of my early stand up practice (The Raven Lounge in Philadelphia). I also like not having a stage or a bright spotlight as it’s easier to make eye contact with everyone.This isn’t a good thing, but I need to learn how to be in the same mindset when at a comedy club with a bright spotlight and nobody to look at. Lastly I need to keep track if the snuggle slut and takes tubes jokes don’t play over as well in a predominantly female crowd.

Performance Critique #2: Jan 11

Here is my set from an open mic on January 11th. As always, your feedback is welcome.

 

My comments:

  • 0m25s Great situational response
  • 0m41s Put more emphasis on “three times,” make it sound more ridiculous
  • 0m47s For “I hit on my ex girlfriend at a bar before”, add “without realizing it” and emphasize the last part
  • 0m58s Don’t move after the punchline “it only works once”
  • 1m10s Recognizing friend’s dad should be clearer
  • 1m20s Emphasis should been on “to a spa”
  • 1m50s Don’t look down, look straight ahead
  • 2m02s After “I have a plan” I forgot to say “for people who want to play with dogs but without the responsibility” therefore “puppies for yuppies” fell flat
  • 2m08s Use the word “booked” instead of “reserved”
  • 2m27s Used the word “watch” twice again. Say “care” the first time and “watch” the second
  • 2m32s “Sweater loving bastard” needs to be angrier and more accusative
  • 2m57s Voice went flat for “would be considered unhealthy”
  • 3m10s Wait 2 more seconds before saying “bullshit”
  • 3m18s Ask the jets fan line as more of a question, that I actually want to know the answer to, and consider changing jets to giants for topical purposes
  • 3m32s Don’t look down, believe that the line is funny before the audience realizes it
  • 3m38s Instead of “how many infants do you know that can” say “how are infants supposed to”
  • 3m49s Peyton Manning should be at the end of the sentence. “I’m not sure about you but I don’t want my house built by Peyton Manning.”

Overall: I’m still swaying around too much, I need to stop looking down, and I need to hit my punch lines harder and more confidently. Also, I should consider smiling more and being a little looser. There was some laughter in each of the jokes, so none of them go to the graveyard pile, yet.

If any comic wants me to break down their video, leave a youtube link in the comments and I’ll do a post about it.

Performance Critique #1: Jan 9

Thanks to an idea by Charlie Hoehn, I’m rolling out a new feature on this blog. Instead of just posting random videos of me doing standup, I will post the every set I do and comment where I messed up / what I can do better. Any additional comments you have would be much appreciated.

This first video is from January 9th and was at an open mic.

 

My comments:

  • 0m14s Voice went up at “confused” for no reason.
  • 0m18s “Thanks” should sound more disappointed.
  • 0m25s I shouldn’t start it with “it’s actually really tough being good looking and a comic”, I should start with “Ugly comics have it easy.”
  • 0m41s End the joke with “personable and charming” and then just give a look of “I’m screwed” without saying anything.
  • 1m6s Don’t move when I’m delivering a punch line. I should be getting 3 laughs: 1) “don’t shower for 2 weeks”, 2) “hop on the train with no pants on”, 3) “and keep mumbling to myself how George Bush was the greatest president ever.” If I stop moving, and I still don’t get laughs during 1 and/or 2, I should cut or remove them.
  • 1m13s No reason to throw in “the first” after George Bush. Consider the throwaway “and I don’t mean the first George.”
  • 1m22s Figure out a more succinct way to explain subway surfing.
  • 1m34s More emphasis on the word “warning.”
  • 1m48s Longer pause after “conveniently available for 5 bucks a pop” and look more distraught before saying “bullshit.”
  • 2m12s Don’t look down after the punchline of “American Beauty” believe people should laugh.
  • 2m14s Instead of “how many infants do you know” say “how are infants supposed to” (suffocate on a burlap sac).
  • 2m27s Try changing “relationships” to “women” it makes more sense.
  • 2m40s More excitement on the word “tizzy”, try “a huge tizzy” instead.
  • 3m50s Don’t say “uhhh.”
  • 4m23s Used the word “watch” twice in one sentence, change words the second time
  • 4m27s I usually do the full dog joke, where the first part talks about dogs preferring their reproductive organs over a sweater, then I find someone who isn’t laughing and say they must really like sweaters. After the hit by the bus, I’d go back to that same person and call them a “sweater loving bastard”. I only did half the joke this time, and the final punchline didn’t work because of it.
  • 4m31s When the guy starts “oohing” I should’ve at least paused until he was done, to build up the tension.
  • Overall: Sway around less, I should either walk or stand still. And don’t look down after a punch line. Keep tightening the new jokes (gym membership, burlap sac, subway surfing).