Thanks to an idea by Charlie Hoehn, I’m rolling out a new feature on this blog. Instead of just posting random videos of me doing standup, I will post the every set I do and comment where I messed up / what I can do better. Any additional comments you have would be much appreciated.
This first video is from January 9th and was at an open mic.
My comments:
- 0m14s Voice went up at “confused” for no reason.
- 0m18s “Thanks” should sound more disappointed.
- 0m25s I shouldn’t start it with “it’s actually really tough being good looking and a comic”, I should start with “Ugly comics have it easy.”
- 0m41s End the joke with “personable and charming” and then just give a look of “I’m screwed” without saying anything.
- 1m6s Don’t move when I’m delivering a punch line. I should be getting 3 laughs: 1) “don’t shower for 2 weeks”, 2) “hop on the train with no pants on”, 3) “and keep mumbling to myself how George Bush was the greatest president ever.” If I stop moving, and I still don’t get laughs during 1 and/or 2, I should cut or remove them.
- 1m13s No reason to throw in “the first” after George Bush. Consider the throwaway “and I don’t mean the first George.”
- 1m22s Figure out a more succinct way to explain subway surfing.
- 1m34s More emphasis on the word “warning.”
- 1m48s Longer pause after “conveniently available for 5 bucks a pop” and look more distraught before saying “bullshit.”
- 2m12s Don’t look down after the punchline of “American Beauty” believe people should laugh.
- 2m14s Instead of “how many infants do you know” say “how are infants supposed to” (suffocate on a burlap sac).
- 2m27s Try changing “relationships” to “women” it makes more sense.
- 2m40s More excitement on the word “tizzy”, try “a huge tizzy” instead.
- 3m50s Don’t say “uhhh.”
- 4m23s Used the word “watch” twice in one sentence, change words the second time
- 4m27s I usually do the full dog joke, where the first part talks about dogs preferring their reproductive organs over a sweater, then I find someone who isn’t laughing and say they must really like sweaters. After the hit by the bus, I’d go back to that same person and call them a “sweater loving bastard”. I only did half the joke this time, and the final punchline didn’t work because of it.
- 4m31s When the guy starts “oohing” I should’ve at least paused until he was done, to build up the tension.
- Overall: Sway around less, I should either walk or stand still. And don’t look down after a punch line. Keep tightening the new jokes (gym membership, burlap sac, subway surfing).
